Relationship Help Following A Breakup

Relationship Help Following A Breakup

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Hole-hearted or Whole-hearted?

So you’re out there and on the dating circuit, looking for the one of your dreams. That has undoubtedly taken a fair degree of strength! But before going too much further with this worthwhile pursuit, may I tempt you to pause a little while to take a review of your heart, the heart that is in the near future going to swell with love, I hope?

Dating after divorce or breakup is challenging. A breakup isn't any small issue and can leave hearts feeling relieved, glad, distraught, battered, and hurt. Usually it’s a mixture of all. Some of us don’t enjoy experiencing all these emotions, even though they are completely appropriate given what we’ve been through. As a result we wish to move on… sometimes a little too quickly for our own good. Where is your heart? Do you feel off balance or like you’ve lost part of yourself? Are you looking for a partner to steady you, or hoping to find your other half? Does it feel as if there’s a hole in your heart that needs filling? In short, are you hole-hearted? The reality is that a partner is not likely going to be the answer that matches the hole you feel. When we begin relationships believing he or she can make us complete again, we’re saying hopefully our partner can do what only God can do. It might be a little flattering to assume we can be the entire world to another person and fulfil them, however it comes with tremendous expectations that carry a great deal of pressure and inevitable disappointment. God loves us too much to allow us to think we're able to be everything to another person, or discover everything we need in another human being.

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If you think, alternatively, you have worked through your break up, processed the disappointment, sense of failure, resentment, hurt, and everything else by allowing yourself the time and reflection needed to resolve issues within your heart, you are more likely to be whole-hearted. This means you’re going to be grounded and secure in something or someone more unfailing than a human being. Subsequently, you’re most likely much less stressed about finding someone and more concerned with how you can bless your relationship through giving 100% to the relationship. This includes becoming wholehearted in your walk with God and being much more interested with honouring Him than with whether your needs shall be satisfied or not.

Once we have our priorities sorted out, then our other wants and needs have their rightful place so we don’t come across as being slightly (or maybe, in some cases, not so slightly) pressuring, clingy, or maybe desperate. In the event that you’re unclear exactly where you are, consider, "Can I survive if I never have another relationship?" "What role will my faith perform if this were to be so?" Remember that it’s essential to receive Christian dating advice from honest sources and to fellowship with other Christians about your struggles and also your successes.


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